Read this articles on Forbes.com!
Twenty-four hours. It doesn’t matter if you are a prime minister, a prime-time media personality, or a professional mom. You only have 24 hours in a day to get what you need to done.
So how can you have it all in today’s busy, overscheduled days? As I often tell my clients, it’s not about having more time, it’s about making the right choices.
The Trap Of ‘Black And White’ Decision Making
In a galaxy far, far, away, we either trained to become a Jedi Master or joined the Dark Forces. Called “splitting” in the psychological realm, our egos are constructed in this same manner, where a person or choice is either all good or all bad.
But back here on Earth, there are various shades of gray. No one choice is either all good or all bad. Sometimes, we might need to make a course correction or make another choice in addition. That’s the beauty of being human. Understanding that most choices aren’t a matter of life or death can really ease the psychological stress of making a decision.
Take one of my clients, for example, who initially thought he wanted to climb the corporate ladder to success. Then, after working 20 years in the housing market, he was laid off not once, but twice. He went on to start his own business, and as he learned to manage his schedule in a different way, he realized that he loved being able to spend more time with his little ones. Now, he’s making more money and has more time to take his kids on skiing trips.
Another client of mine decided to move across the country to get a fresh start on his career, putting relationships and family on hold. Within a month, he started second-guessing himself and wanted to move back to the East Coast to scoop up his record collection and (maybe) get back with his girlfriend. Currently, he’s making a commitment to stick to his original intent, focusing on his professional development for the next three months instead of cataloging his love songs.
Sometimes people are conversely wired and don’t trust what they really want. They mean to turn left, but at the last second, make a sudden turn right. They say yes when they really mean no. What we can learn from these examples is that no matter how you’re wired, decision-making doesn’t have to be so black and white. You really can discover how to have it all.
If you’ve read my articles before, you’ll know I am inspired by the Russian language. In Russian “either-or” is translated as “ili – ili.” So [ili] you have 2 kids, [ili] become a millionaire by the age of 45. It’s “either-or” because most people believe that you can’t have both. But what you might not know is that the Russian word for “either-or” can also mean “and.” Now read the above sentences with “and.” Even though the words are the same, the context is completely different.
How To Make The Right Choice
If you find yourself clouded in an atmosphere of anxiety and doubt, learn how to trust yourself, and follow this template for making better decisions.
1. Remember you have 24 hours in a day. In dealing with a finite number, it’s much easier to quantify how you’ll spend your time. If you’re faced with a gut-wrenching decision, make it and stick to it for just the next 24 hours.
2. Picture your ideal personal and/or professional life. If you can see, feel and experience your vision, it’ll be easier for you to make a decision.
3. List your top three priorities in life. We all know people who prioritize family first and others who thrive in a 9 to 5.
4. Why are your priorities so important? By knowing what’s driving your priorities, you’ll keep yourself motivated.
5. What goals do you have in place to support your priorities? Goals, in our paradigm, are, “Where, and by when?” Do you want to have two kids by the time you are 45 or do you want to make $1 million by the time you are 45? Don’t get stuck in black and white, either-or thinking, here. It’s possible to aim for both!
6. What strategies get you to your goals? In other words, how you programming your GPS? Will you pay money to take the fastest road or are you going for the more scenic route?
7. What action steps do you need to take? By writing down what your action steps are, you can start to schedule your day, week or month.
So next time you think you’re faced with a “do-or-die” choice, remember “ili-ili.” How do you plan to have it all?
